Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Jurassic Park 4: I Knew it was Coming

I can't be credited with special powers of prediction for this one, because Jurassic Park 4 has been rumored about for the better part of ten years. I do however want credit for special powers of prediction when I said that Cate Blanchett should play an evil stepmother in a Cinderella adaptation, because guess who is now playing Lady Tremaine aka Evil Stepmother in a Cinderella adaptation? Called it.

But anyway that's irrelevant to the subject at hand. What I'm talking about today is the fact that the studio finally did what they've been threatening for ten years or more: actually work on a Jurassic Park part 4, now named Jurassic World. 

With the details that have already been leaked, this isn't looking good. In the original Jurassic Park, your location was something of a game reserve like you would see in various parts of Africa. The animals roam about and you drive through and observe. Jurassic World seems to make the whole experience a theme park, and there are really only so many directions that can go, and all of them end with carnage. But Universal is fairly certain they can give us something new and unique. On that note, here is what we can expect from Jurassic World so far: 

1. Hey, look! Kids!
Oh good, because we didn't see kids in any of these previous Jurassic Park movies: 

Jurassic Park
Lex and Tim

The Lost World: Jurassic Park

Jurassic Park III

2. A redheaded female scientist who looks unlikable


Because that's never happened before either. 
The Lost World: Jurassic Park
Dr. Sarah Harding

3. Some guy on a motorcycle.

 No one knows who this guy below is, but the point is, he rode a motorcycle with dinosaurs first, so he gets some sort of credit for that. 

Disposable unnamed character from The Lost World: Jurassic Park

4. An island (although I will admit that the settlement over the water there in the front concerns me significantly...)

But in all fairness, an island is really the only plausible way to contain the artificially generated wildlife, as shown in every other JP movie: 
Isla Nublar

5. And of course, a big terrifying T-Rex

Unlike the beast seen here: 
Jurassic Park
 And the bonus two of them here:
The Lost World: Jurassic Park

Until the mighty T-rex was unceremoniously disposed of by the Spinosaurus here:
Jurassic Park 3
     Judging by the rumors about the genetically engineered super-dino that combines the DNA of a T-rex, velociraptor, cuttlefish, and snake, I'd say that if old T-rex features in Jurassic World, we probably shouldn't get attached to it.

     Sorry Universal, you're not convincing me of anything, least of all originality. Then again, I don't know if I can fault anyone for that since that seems to be the rarest commodity these days. It also doesn't help that I barely recognize anyone in the cast, and if you know me, you know that's saying something. 

     I'm still waiting on some sort of positive news that would excite me about this whole thing. However, I'm glad to hear that of the leaked plot details, at least the one about raptors being tamed to the point of assisting humans was disqualified. That is such a relief, because I was really afraid of you going this direction: 

Beast Wars! 
Or worse....

For some of my other thoughts on sequels and part fours, see Sequels, The Movie Murderer, and The Gamble of Part Four. I know; I'm beating a dead horse. I wouldn't have to if they'd just learn their lessons...